It’s unexplainable how the smallest of things make me want to drop to my knees in tears.. walking through wal-mart I seen so many things that I knew would be perfect for you guys, clothes shirts little toys.. my heart aches because even if I bought them I can’t give them to you. Just like you can’t see these words, you can’t hear all things I want to say.. How much I want to say I love you.. I love you, and a mothers love for her children should never hurt like this. I want to hug you I pray every day that some day I will do just that again, hug you though I am afraid that when that day comes I may never let go.

Every day I am reminded of the tiny things I am missing, the tiny events that take place and becomes the stories of your lives. I long to be a part of that. I wish things had been different that I had never had to make the decision that I made. Noah, how I miss the sparkle in your eye when you laugh.. those blue eyes and that smile could melt the heart of anyone, Mary I miss how even at 8-9yrs old you weren’t ashamed to climb in mommy’s lap and fall asleep on my shoulder.. Bethany I miss feeling you curled up in my back every night knees and all but, you just wouldn’t sleep unless with mommy..

I wish you knew..

Love Mommy